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Upbringing: strictness vs tenderness

I'll start from afar...

Kids deserve nothing but the very best! We are all familiar with this slogan. What is the best thing a Davis facilitator can give her own children? Of course, only the best program, which is "Davis Concepts for Life" program.

I have always liked the approach to raising children through strictness and tenderness. I considered myself a strict and gentle mother. When I saw that my children in the primary school had a strict and gentle teacher, I was happy and understood that my child was in good hands.

But that all changed a few years ago, after ALL three of my children went through the Davis Concepts for Life program. I suddenly realized that now I don’t need to be strict at all. You can only be tender and loving, and it’s so nice!

Strictness is dominance, it is the suppression of someone else's will with your own will. I realized that it is DIFFICULT for me to be strict. I am for EQUALITY in relationships. And I suddenly realized that I don’t have to be strict anymore (almost not, the dog doesn’t count!😁).

This is the result of 3 programs (according to the number of my children )that I can observe at my home. Even 4 programs, since I completed the program twice during my training... And my own program also greatly changed my perception of myself and my own emotions.

Human is a social and emotional creature. Our emotions show us the path to our talents and help determine the path to development. But can everyone “read” their emotions? And also use them to determine the path to YOUR happy future? The Davis system is an excellent help in understanding the algorithm for the emergence of emotion, as well as understanding what to do with it. And how to apply the information, received from emotion, for your own benefit and for the benefit of a whole society. Because understanding your emotions also leads to understanding the emotions of others: what caused the other person’s emotion, whether person reacted to me or not to me. What is person's WANT as a result of his emotion? What can I offer him? DO I WANT to offer him this ( for the answer for this question I quickly search in my own emotions)? DOES the person WANT my help?

As a result of the programs, when my children and I disagree on issues, we begin a constructive conversation. When someone has emotions, we discuss them and what information it carry. For example, my eldest son wanted to take a year off before studying at university. I immediately had a fear (emotion) that he would be left without an education, which I voiced to him. To which he replied that he was tired of studying (this opinion based on his emotions), he needed to rest, that he was not going to waste time this year, he wanted to pass his driving test and work. Also he still wants to study at the University (again emotions-based opinion), but it would be better to rest and unload mentally so that studying brings pleasure again. You can't really argue with that. Everything sounds so logical and looks like a plan. Now he works, passed his driving test, entered the University and is looking forward to starting his studies.

My daughter is now a teenager. It happens that she mutters something to me and goes to her room. I know that she is uncomfortable, that at this moment she is sitting and analyzing why she is uncomfortable. And what needs to be done to bring comfort back. She spent some time in the room, then came out and said: “Sorry mom, I was so hot and uncomfortable, now I feel better, what did you want to talk about?”

Well, my youngest son, who is going to secondary school, is taking on more and more responsibility: he goes to school independently and does his homework, keeps order in the room and look after the flowers, takes care of the dog (walks with him almost every day).

Here another proverb comes to mind: "Do not bring up your children they still be like you.” And it is true. My children are now independent, mature (age-wise, of course), and also gentle and loving. Because it's better for all of us. And each of us relies on our own emotions, but also takes into account the feelings and emotions of other family members.

To summarize, I want to say, that in this system only our dog is the weak link. He is terribly headstrong and completely disregards our feelings! He has a secret desire (which is not secret at all to us, who know how to pay attention to other people’s emotions) - to become the head of our pack. He really dislikes her status as the youngest family member. And he still wants to “sit on” my husband, constantly arranging checks to see if the circumstances have changed, and it time now to redistribute the roles again... 😁 Oh, if the Davis system were adapted for dogs, it would be just wonderful... In the meantime, yes, I have to be strict with the dog.

If there are screams and quarrels in your family, and you suppress your desire, to put it mildly, to disperse everyone to hell and finally relax, if you are tired of constantly being between “two fires” and resolving situations between loved ones - then come to me, a Davis's Concepts for Life facilitator. Investing time and money in the program is the key to peace and comfort in the future. What do your emotions tell you right now? Good program, it is time to take it? 😁

© Copyright 2024

Elena Nikulina, licensed facilitator DDAI (Davis Dyslexia Association International) for the correction of dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia, dyspraxia, Attention Deficit Disorder with or without Hypo/Hyperactivity, and other problems in training according to the author's method of Ronald Davis, facilitator RDAF (Ronald Davis Autism Foundation ) to help people with Autism Spectrum Disorder, Director of Dyslexia Correction and Support Centre, London, UK.

For more information on how to treat dyslexia, ADD(D) and other learning difficulties, see Ronald Davis' books The Gift of Dyslexia, The Gift of Learning, and Autism and the Seeds of Change: Achieving Full Participation in Life Using the Davis Approach to autism." — Abigail Marshall (author), Ronald Dell Davis (author).​

Link to the RDAF website and full description of the programs:

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